Nothing scars you more than the negative shit your own parents tell you.
So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said “Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it.” And my dentist says “Oh, my son is in that movie.” At first I thought he was joking but then I realized
Dr. Robert Evans
I looked it up
My dentist is Captain America’s dad
My doctor is JK Rowling’s husband.
JK Rowling’s husband has asked me if I am sexually active.
freshmen advice: y’all know bout high school musical right?? well that shit is legit. better get practicing. everyday at lunch we go hard af. stick to the status quo.
Friendly reminder that anyone born between 1985-1998 didn’t get their hogwarts letter because Voldemort’s ministry wiped out the record of muggleborns
UM, YOU’RE MY MORE FAVORITE PERSON. 💙
(INDIGNANT HUFFING) NOT ALL M……ale lions
the more i think about it, the weirder this comment seems. how does this man know that being a male lion is more stressful than being a female lion. has he lived as both a female and male lion before. is this man an Animorph
male lions rights activist
as a big cat fanatic and a zoo veteran:
male lions are lazy fucks. they CHOOSE to fight cos they’re BORED.
This is Zero, the most photographed lion in National Geographic history (so I’ve been told). While his huge frame and two-toned mane make him an intimidating sight, he is essentially the biggest baby I observed while in South Africa.
You would hear these deep roaring moans echo across the reserve… and it was Zero, whining for the girls (Maggie and Lisa) to bring him food. The lazy bum would just roll around in the river bed moaning and groaning until the females would show up with a kill.
Sure, he could fight if there happened to be a rival male in the area. And his ‘mock charge’ display was intimidating enough to keep just about everyone* out of his way… but 99% of the time this guy was all about moaning (for food), mating, and mane-flips.
* - The only animal not run off by Zero’s display was a honey badger, who - true to form - did not care.